Mukha Libro

Sa dinami-dami ba namang kasapi ng Facebook, sa palagay ko lahat na yata ng topic ay na-post na nila. May tungkol sa pag-ibig, chismis, sa work, sa frustration, at sa may mabahong kili-kili sa MRT. Lahat na.

Kaya nabuo ang 5 pinakamalapot na kaganapan (lima lang muna) sa Facebook.

image downloaded from google.com.ph

1. Siya nag-post. Siya din nag-like at siya din ang unang nag-comment. Okey na sana, eh ang damuho ti-nag pa ang sarili. Meron ka naman sigurong mga friends di ba? E di tag mo sila. O baka naman masyado ka lang humanga sa post mo? Siguro maunawaan ko pa kung first time mo mag-post. Kung meron sanang “Dislike” button, ako ang mauna.
2. Ang hindi ko lang maindintihan ay kung bakit may taong tulog na ay nakapag-post pa rin. Isang klasik na post: “(Post name here) is fast asleep.” Tapos dugtungan pa ng “zzzzzzzzzzzzzz”. Anak ng beki naman oh! Paano nangyari yun? Kusang nag-type ang kamay mo at nagpost nang ganon habang tulog ka. Ang mas matindi diyan eh kung may naglike at nagcomment pa ng: "Ako din. Mahimbing na natutulog". Ano ba? Kayo kayp na nga lang, nagkakalokohan pa. Kausapin niyo nga ang ang pagong ko.
3. Kumusta naman ang nagpopost ng: “(Post name here) is at the bus station”, “ay kumakain ng talong”, “in Starbucks now”. Okey lang yun. Walang problema ang ipagmayabang mo kung saan ka at anong kinakain mo. Napansin ko lang kasi na puro magagandang pangyayari ang kalimitang napo-post. Pero wala pa yatang nag-post ng ganito: “is in the CR at tumatae. Medyo malapot”. O kaya: "Goal ko today ang umutot ng limag beses sa isang araw". Meron na bang gumawa niyan? Try ko kaya mamaya, maiba lang.
4. Pero napakawalang-hiya naman kung sino man ito. Noong kasagsagan ng aksidente ni AJ Perez ay may nag-post: “AJ Perez just passed away” tapos may nag-like. Ang sama. 
5. Ikaw na ang pinakamalapot kung pati ba naman sa pagbili mo ng toyo sa tindahan ay mag-papapicture ka pa ng wacky at pi-nost mo. Tapos ikaw din mag-like at ikaw din ang unag nag-comment. Tapos lagay mo sa status mo: “ay bumili ng toyo sa Tindahan ni Aling Nena”. Ikaw na, the best ka.

Sa susunod na lang yung lima. Maghanap muna ako ng mga magagandang post dito sa FB. Baka iyong post na ang susunod.

Foreign Height

Five inches more. That’s all I need and I will be your Boy-Next-Door guy. Oh good Lord, if you could hear me now, can you make me taller or at least add five more inches to my humble height?

The measuring tape revealed that I am five feet and four inches tall. That’s only two inches taller than Bentong. Or three inches lower than Spud Webb, the smallest NBA slam dunk champion.

Speaking of basketball, if I were around these towering cagers during the dug-out interview which I used to do when I was a sports writer, I would look like Dagul sniffing and inhaling their athlete’s foot. That’s so unfair I would be suffocated that way.

Now Lord, please grant my wish. I will read the Bible again and again, pray all day and night and I will never miss a single mass. Not only that I will donate all my earnings to the church.

Sometimes, when I see these nerds, freaks, losers and stupid-looking tall guys with gorgeous and hot chick around, I can’t help but to hate myself. How come did they get that girl? I just then close my eyes and think that this guy is rich or has hot wheels or they own a family business. Or he got a big *i^k?

I blamed my dad for passing over the genes. I mean, my cousins on dad’s side were like a walking Meralco post. They were basketball players, models and seaman. I think there is a bias on how the DNA works or whatever biological explanation to this unfair life treatment. Yes, God and the law said  that WE ARE ALL EQUAL. I have no problem with that. I just can’t believe it that there is a height limit in modelling and being a flight attendant.  And these make me overacting that I’m taking this argument personally to the point that I have now the lowest esteem of my life.  

No, I’m not insecure. Less gifted but not insecure. I have brains. I am not boring and I am emphatically not stupid-looking guy even in physical aspect. In fact, I could make a girl fall in love by just a conversation alone. In case you might think that I’m not interesting, I would like to remind you that you are reading this article right now.

Now for my revenge, let me present Exhibit A: Raul Dillo, the tallest basketball player to ever play in an amateur or professional league and perhaps, the tallest man in the Philippines, standing at 7 foot 3 inches. This guy as of Boy Lapot’s inside report, happens to be a dull-looking, so lousy, and not even funny. His mighty height is too overwhelming enough to be in a center position in any team in the Philippine Basketball Association.  But Raul was never a star when he played in Metropolitan Basketball Association. The truth is, he never played a single game, spending the game in the bench. Tall he is but sure didn't take advantage of his gift.  Oh wait I remember, he drifted in show business by the way as a Kapre or a huge monster. Perfect for the role.

Raul Dillo

As I looked back in my teenage days, I concluded that I grew a centimeter in every two years or I guess I’m exaggerated. So that’s a turtle compared to the inches in every two months that my other classmates enjoyed. Is that what they call growth gap? In elementary, the first guy on the line is always reserved for me. I felt like if we were in a firing range, I would be dead first.

Because this Cherifer ad made me believe that there is still hope for this anxiety. Fuck it. If these were real, I guess there is no loser like me.

So I turned to the books and internet to find a desperate solution to this self-imposed anguish.  And it was no help. I guess all I need is a miracle or to make friends with a genetic engineer, scientists, chemist or whoever can formulate a capsule to make people taller in an instant. I voluntarily offer myself for free experiment.

There are many life-altering possibilities if I were taller:

I could have the courage dating taller girls. 

I could have pursue my modelling career. 

I could have been a basketball player. 

I could have gotten some hosting jobs.

Perhaps, God thought that I would take all of the things mentioned above in evil way that’s why he didn't bless me with gift of height. In the end, whenever I see Janno Gibbs, Ogie Alcasid, Raymart Santiago and Manny Pacquiao, I felt contented. I have accepted the fact that I will never grow taller anymore. Instead, I maximize what God has given me. Janno has beautiful voice. Ogie is a talented songwriter and married Regine Velasquez. Raymart has Claudine and Manny has eight boxing titles and Jinky Pacquiao.

Me? I have nothing. All I have is good looks and this article.

But honestly, do you think Dagul is funny if he were as tall as Raul?

Just let it rain

It’s raining today. Then, I think of you.

Roger remembered that tonight will be two years since she left. He could still clearly paint in his mind the beauty she was that night. Liz wore the white shirt he gave on her birthday which coupled his's. When Roger looked at her, he thought that her eyes were brighter than the moon that night.  Her hair is as glowy as of those dancing fireflies around the tree where they first met and carved their names. He brought a small cake because that night was another year of their undying love.

Roger held Liz’s hand and he felt they were very cold. Roger denied the fact. He thought that tonight is the night to tell her. His future plans. He was ready and he memorized all the lines. But this was all interrupted when Liz spoke the first word of that moment.

“Roger”, she said. The word sounded like a whisper. Liz gathered herself and continued. “You and I, we’re over. I knew you have loved me without a doubt and so do I. I just can’t see you anymore”.

Roger didn’t blink an eye. He couldn’t believe what he just heard. His heart never pounded that fast as if he came from a long walk. He wanted to protest but he got stoned. He dropped the small cake and it was scattered to pieces. A silver ring was revealed. His future  plan. He has never said the words he perfected to say.

Liz ran away as fast as she could like a child chased by her mom. Darkness swallowed her as she went farther. Away from Roger.

The place started to go colder. The nimbus clouds seemed to fall. And then, the sky cried.

One year passed and Roger heard that Liz died of leukemia. He never knew that Korean melancholic drama does exist.

Tonight he thought she just left. But she weren’t there on that same place, so he guess she’s really not coming back. Gone for good.

 He can't stop the rain from falling. And though it hurts, Roger just let it rain today. 

Biglang Liko

ni Ron Henley ng Stick Figgas

Ang pawis koy tumatagaktak sa bilis. May pumalakpak. Abutin natin ang langit. Ibuka ang pakpak. Langhapin ang halimuyak ng mga bulaklak. Akoy paru-paro. Nakadapo sa’yong damo. Sa liwanag ng ganda mo, andaming nabibighaning gamogamo. Yakapin mo ako habang atin ang gabi kasi ang mundo natin ay laging salisi. ‘Pag ika'y nasa baba ako ay nasa itaas. Tuwing ikaw ay darating ako ay lalabas. ‘Wag ka masyado marahas. Sige lang isigaw mo pa ng malakas. Ilagay mo sa tono. Di kita tinatanong pero sagot mo'y “Oh, oh, oo, oo. 

Hintayin mo ko. Malapit na ko. Sabay na tayo. Papunta na ko. Nasaan ka na ba? Kung ako sayo sumama ka na. Tara! 

Tara! Tara sumama ka sakin. Hawakan ang aking kamay. Tayo ay maglalakbay patungo sa lugar kung saan tayo lang ang may alam. Tutungo sa lugar na tayo lamang ang laman. 

Pintua'y isarado. Buksan ang kandado. Talian na ang aso. Papasukin mo na ako. Meron akong regalo, ‘di mo to malilimutan. Matagal ko na ‘tong pinag-ipunan. Pahiram ng upuan para aking patungan. Ang akin dala-dala ng aking makunan. Para may alaala ka sa pag alis mo. Panoorin kung sakaling ako ay mamimis mo. Tayo na at sabay magkamay. Kahit ang pagkain ay hindi sa plato nakalagay. Masarap ba? Diyan ako sanay! Kaya pala sagot mo sa kin ay panay “Oh, oo, oo. 

Nilambing mo ng maghapon at ‘di nila alam. Mukha mo nangangahulugang hindi lahat ng hinihimas ay umaamo. Aso't pusa nagkalmutan. Nagaway. Nagkauntugan. Bagong taon ba ngayon? Ba't ganon, may nagkakaputukan? Sumibak ng kahoy para panggatong. Para may apoy tayo maghapon. Sakto. May sweldo pa ako. Magwi-withdraw muna ko. Sa bangko 

Kaya hintayin mo ako kasi malapit na ako. 

Kung curios ka, eto yun. Basta derecho lang: click here. 

Sino ang totoong sosyal?

Isang  Probinsyano ang nasa loob ng resto sa Makati. Nakabarong- tagalog, hati ang peluka ng buhok at may dalang bayong. Parang sa mga pelikula ni Andrew E.  

May isang Conyo din sa parehong loob ng resto. Nakaputi na polo shirt, nakashorts, at espadrille. May dalang laptop at Iphone. Yung tipong Luis Manzano ang dating.

Pagkatapos makahanap ng pwesto ay tumawag ng waiter ang Conyo. At pagkatapos tumambay ng 30 minutes ay saka pa lang umorder ang Probinsyano at tumawag din ng waiter.

“Excuse me, can I have a steak and mushroom soup please?”, sabi ng Conyo.

Pagkatapos ilista ng waiter ang order ay tinawag din ng Probinsiyano ang parehong waiter.

“Psst, pssssst, oo ikaw, halika ka dito”, ang sabi niya. At dahil hindi niya alam kung ano ang nasa menu, dugtong niya. “Bigyan mo ako nang katulad ng order niya”, sabay turo kay Conyo. Napatingin ang waiter sa Conyo at umalis.

Dumating ang order pagkatapos ng 25 minutes. Samantala, surf lang sa laptop si Conyo at buraot naman sa kahihintay si Probinsyano habang inaabangan ang susunod na galaw ni Conyo.

Kinuha ni Conyo ang table napkin at nilagay sa kandungan niya. Sa kabilang table, ay kinuha din ni Probinsyano ang table napkin at ginaya ang galaw ni Conyo.

Inabot ng kanang kamay ng Conyo ang bread knife at tinidor sa kaliwa. Hiniwa ang steak at dahan-dahang nginuya. Masusing nagmasid si Probinsyano kung paano ginawa ito at saka ginaya.

Sa lahat ng ito ay civil lang si Conyo habang at home na at home si Probinsiyano. Kulang na lang ay itaas niya ang dalawang-paa sa upuan at parang bahay na niya ang resto.

At sa pangdesert, habang nag-post ng status sa Facebook, ay umorder ng cheesecake si Conyo na sinabayan din ni Probinsyano.

Sa huli, ay kumuha ng "kung-ano" si Conyo sa isang maliit na dispenser sa taas ng table at bahagyang tumalikod habang tinatakpan ang bandang bungaga.   

Dahil doon, hindi makita ni Probinsiyano kung ano na ang nangyari at hindi alam kung anong kinuha at ginagawa ni Conyo. Pero dahil sosyal siya, para hindi mahalata na walang alam sa dining manners at dapat cool pa rin ay kinuha  rin niya yung "kung-ano", tumalikod at tinakpan ang mukha.

Pagharap ni Conyo ay binalot niya sa tissue ang something at tinapon sa malapit na basurahan.

Pagharap naman Probinsiyano ay bumulaga sa kanya ang dugo na galing sa bunganga. Ang something ay sumabit sa kanyang ipin.  Dahilan na mapunta sa kanya ang attensiyon ng lahat. Sa halip na ibalot ng tissue ang something, binalot niya ang kanyang mukha sa hiya.

Kawawang Probinsyano hindi pala alam kung paano gamitin ang toothpick. Hindi rin niya alam kung para saan ito.

Sosyal nga si Conyo pero sosyal din si Probinsiyano. Ngayon, sino ang totoong sosyal?