Foreign Height

Five inches more. That’s all I need and I will be your Boy-Next-Door guy. Oh good Lord, if you could hear me now, can you make me taller or at least add five more inches to my humble height?

The measuring tape revealed that I am five feet and four inches tall. That’s only two inches taller than Bentong. Or three inches lower than Spud Webb, the smallest NBA slam dunk champion.

Speaking of basketball, if I were around these towering cagers during the dug-out interview which I used to do when I was a sports writer, I would look like Dagul sniffing and inhaling their athlete’s foot. That’s so unfair I would be suffocated that way.

Now Lord, please grant my wish. I will read the Bible again and again, pray all day and night and I will never miss a single mass. Not only that I will donate all my earnings to the church.

Sometimes, when I see these nerds, freaks, losers and stupid-looking tall guys with gorgeous and hot chick around, I can’t help but to hate myself. How come did they get that girl? I just then close my eyes and think that this guy is rich or has hot wheels or they own a family business. Or he got a big *i^k?

I blamed my dad for passing over the genes. I mean, my cousins on dad’s side were like a walking Meralco post. They were basketball players, models and seaman. I think there is a bias on how the DNA works or whatever biological explanation to this unfair life treatment. Yes, God and the law said  that WE ARE ALL EQUAL. I have no problem with that. I just can’t believe it that there is a height limit in modelling and being a flight attendant.  And these make me overacting that I’m taking this argument personally to the point that I have now the lowest esteem of my life.  

No, I’m not insecure. Less gifted but not insecure. I have brains. I am not boring and I am emphatically not stupid-looking guy even in physical aspect. In fact, I could make a girl fall in love by just a conversation alone. In case you might think that I’m not interesting, I would like to remind you that you are reading this article right now.

Now for my revenge, let me present Exhibit A: Raul Dillo, the tallest basketball player to ever play in an amateur or professional league and perhaps, the tallest man in the Philippines, standing at 7 foot 3 inches. This guy as of Boy Lapot’s inside report, happens to be a dull-looking, so lousy, and not even funny. His mighty height is too overwhelming enough to be in a center position in any team in the Philippine Basketball Association.  But Raul was never a star when he played in Metropolitan Basketball Association. The truth is, he never played a single game, spending the game in the bench. Tall he is but sure didn't take advantage of his gift.  Oh wait I remember, he drifted in show business by the way as a Kapre or a huge monster. Perfect for the role.

Raul Dillo

As I looked back in my teenage days, I concluded that I grew a centimeter in every two years or I guess I’m exaggerated. So that’s a turtle compared to the inches in every two months that my other classmates enjoyed. Is that what they call growth gap? In elementary, the first guy on the line is always reserved for me. I felt like if we were in a firing range, I would be dead first.

Because this Cherifer ad made me believe that there is still hope for this anxiety. Fuck it. If these were real, I guess there is no loser like me.

So I turned to the books and internet to find a desperate solution to this self-imposed anguish.  And it was no help. I guess all I need is a miracle or to make friends with a genetic engineer, scientists, chemist or whoever can formulate a capsule to make people taller in an instant. I voluntarily offer myself for free experiment.

There are many life-altering possibilities if I were taller:

I could have the courage dating taller girls. 

I could have pursue my modelling career. 

I could have been a basketball player. 

I could have gotten some hosting jobs.

Perhaps, God thought that I would take all of the things mentioned above in evil way that’s why he didn't bless me with gift of height. In the end, whenever I see Janno Gibbs, Ogie Alcasid, Raymart Santiago and Manny Pacquiao, I felt contented. I have accepted the fact that I will never grow taller anymore. Instead, I maximize what God has given me. Janno has beautiful voice. Ogie is a talented songwriter and married Regine Velasquez. Raymart has Claudine and Manny has eight boxing titles and Jinky Pacquiao.

Me? I have nothing. All I have is good looks and this article.

But honestly, do you think Dagul is funny if he were as tall as Raul?